Tapers are Mean

The race is in 2.5 days, and I'm a complete mess. Physically and mentally, I'm just not in good shape. My knee is still hurting, I have no confidence in it anymore. I've always healed quickly, so I haven't completely lost hope, but it ain't looking good. I've been stretching non-stop, and using the foam roller 4 times a day. I've been foam-rolling so much I think some of the pain might be from the roller and not from the original knee problems. I can't even tell anymore. I'm icing every morning and every night.

Mentally, I'm a wreck. I always get nervous before a race, but with the physical unknowns of my knee I'm way worse than usual. I've been so bad that I was questioning whether I should start the race. The thing is, my knee is bad and it will likely be bad the whole race. If my IT band flares up early, there's no way I can fight through it. I know this because I've felt that pain before.

The thing is, I'm so afraid of failure that I'd rather not start if I don't think I can finish. I've never DNF'd, I've never even seriously considered it. To me it's not something I can consider because once I do, I'm already defeated. So here I am, with no confidence that I can go 100 miles, and 2.5 days away from the start. I've been at a crossroads. But then yesterday I had an epiphany. I remembered the old expression "It's better to have tried and failed than to have never tried at all." It's OK that I hate failure, but not so much that it prevents me from attempting anything. So I will start the race. I don't know if I'll finish it, but if I don't I won't have any regrets.