Timber Knoll Revisited

Well, I kind of blew it at Timber Knoll. Don't get me wrong, I ran OK and felt good doing it, but I didn't accomplish the things I set out to do. I did re-learn some things about myself though.

From the very beginning of the race, I went out too fast. I got caught up in the lead group for the first 3 miles and kept telling myself I should slow down and let them go. I felt OK, but my goal was to focus on nutrition, not to race. Still, as I got to the first aid station at 5 miles I was breathing heavy and flew right past the stop. Why did I do this when it was the exact opposite of what I promised myself I would do? Good question, and that leads in to the first thing I re-learned about myself. I am competitive and I like to suffer, and nothing I say or do before the race will change that. I'm not racing others out there, I'm pushing myself as hard as I physically and mentally can. I'm never going to be able to run a race as "just a training run" like some other people can do, it's just not in me. Call it lack of discipline or shortsightedness, but it's who I am. Just like I don't train smart, constantly pushing when I should be recovering, I also don't race smart.

Anyways, back to the race. I finished the first loop in 1:19, on pace to finish 3 before the 4:30 cutoff. And I still felt pretty fresh, so I grabbed a cookie, refilled my water bottle, and went back out. Most of the second loop was great, I felt great, the drizzle was cool, the sun went down and I was alone in the dark on new trails. I love the feeling of not knowing where I am or whats around the next turn. I was passing people and feeling good, so I knew it was time to admit my plans for running slow were out the door, I would go ahead and keep running hard until I couldn't. 3.5 miles into this loop, at the aid station, my achilles started hurting. It was the same achilles that made the last 20 miles at Tahoe pretty miserable, and I knew it would be a problem now. I debated whether I should stop after two loops. That debate lasted about 3 seconds, at which point I was once again reminded of my flaw: I am competitive and I like to suffer.

It's not something I'm proud of or embarrassed of, it's just the truth. I don't run to get faster or to stay in shape, I don't do it because of the places it takes me or anything else. I do it because it fulfills my need to push myself as hard as I can, prove that I can take more pain than I thought possible. The more I want to quit, the more important it is to me not to quit. I used to be a wrestler and my coach would tell me "It's the days you don't want to push yourself that you HAVE to push yourself." I can never get that out of my head.

So when I reached the aid station at the completion of the second loop, I grabbed some fruit and left again. At this point I was still on pace to finish the third loop in time for a fourth, but my achilles was unlikely to let me keep up the pace. Sure enough, I was behind pace in no time. It was OK, I wasn't bothered by it at all. I just ran when I could on flats and ups, walked when it hurt too bad on the downhills, and finished as best I could. In the end, I missed the chance at a fourth loop by 8 minutes. Despite some of the pain, I had a great time out there. After the race I was able to hang out and meet quite a few others that ran the 6 hour event. All in all, a good weekend trip that I'd like to make an annual tradition.